Your feelings and your brain

Your brain is a wonderful thing. It helps you read, write, think - it even keeps your breathing and keeps your heart pumping blood to the rest of your body.  It might surprise you to learn that it is even involved in your feelings. Deep inside your brain is a primitive part that controls how we feel; when we get scared or angry and when we get excited or happy.  When a cave man was hunting and ran into a lion, this part of the brain was wired so that he would fight for his life or run away as fast as he could.  This response to danger has become called the "fight or flight" response.  In our world, we don't usually encounter lions or bears, but we might have the same response to a bully on the playground or to a teacher who speaks to you in a loud voice that sounds like yelling. For the cave man, once he had escapted the lion, it would take a few minutes for his body to settle back down; for his breathing to return to normal, for his stomach to stop feeling like it had butterflies in it, and for him to stop sweating.
For some people this response gets triggered by small things.  It is like a smoke detector that is supposed to detect a fire detects smoke from cooking dinner. 
For some people it is like the knob on the stove top doesn't work so the fire of the emotions is not being controlled by anything and goes hotter and cooler all by itself.
It is really important to learn some ideas to help yourself when your feelings get hot.  It is like your brain gets on fire.  When your brain is on fire you can't think very well.  The first step is to put the fire out. 
Some ideas for how to do this are to remove yourself from the situation that is causing the upset.
Then understand that it will take a few minutes to settle back down.
In the meantime, do something to relax, like drawing, writing, reading, listening to music, or talking to someone you trust.  Getting some exercise is a good idea. 
Once your the fire is out you can think better about how to solve the problem.

Tips for controlling your feelings

There are times when all of us feel our feelings so strongly that we feel like a volcano that could erupt at any minute.  May be someone said something that hurt your feelings or upset you.  You can feel your muscles tense and your heart starts to beat really fast.  You might break out in a sweat and you can feel that anger rise in your throat like the lava rises in a volcano before it erupts.  Like steam coming out of the volcano as a warning sign before the eruption, these changes in our bodies are warning signs for us to take action.  We need to notice the anger starting to rise up and do something to calm down so we don't erupt.  Like volcanic eruptions, anger outbursts often are destructive.  They hurt our relationships with people, often people we care about. 
So what can you do?
First notice the changes in your body the next time you start to get upset or angry.
     Do you feel your heart racing? 
     Does your stomach hurt?
     Do you feel tense all over?
Then take some action to calm down.
     Go to a cooling off space, a place you decide on where you can calm down.
     When you get there, listen to music, draw a picture, think calm thoughts.
     If possible, get some fresh air and exercise to burn off some of that steam.
     Take a hot shower or warm bath.
     If you can't go to an actual cooling off space, go to a safe place in your mind, a memory of a safe place 
         where you have been before.

Once you have become calmer, then you can think about what you might like to do to solve the problem.

Tips for going to sleep at night

Having trouble falling asleep? You are not alone.  Lots of people have trouble like this.  Here are some things to try. First of all make sure you turn off the TV and computer 1-2 hours before you go to sleep. 

Take a hot shower or bath before bedtime and have a cup of warm milk with a little honey in it and some graham crackers.

Think about your favorite place to go on vacation.  Try to remember all the details about it - when you left, when you arrived, and all the things you did when you were there.  Try to remember it with all your senses; the smells, the sounds, the sights, the feelings, even the taste of the food you enjoyed while you were there. 

Design a room or a garden where you can feel completely safe and happy.  Imagine it has everything you need for comfort; mine has a picture window looking out at the beach, a fireplace with a cup of cocoa, a big warm blanket, and a stack of my favorite books.

Focus on the rise and the fall of the breath in your body and say to yourself over and over again "I am aware of my breathing, I am aware of my breathing, I am aware of my breathing." Notice your breath as it goes in and out of your nose or mouth, or notice the rise and fall of your chest as you breathe.

Sweet dreams!