One of the most essential parenting skills I can think of is assertiveness. By this I do not mean aggressiveness. Being passive is doing nothing and just letting other people, including your kids, do what they want. This often leads to resentment and yelling. Being aggressive is yelling, hitting, name calling, and threatening. This often leads to the other person feeling angry and therefore to a cycle of anger. Being assertive is stating what you want using "I" sentences, firmly and clearly, but without anger. This is a tall order I know. Here is an example of what I mean:
Situation: Your child leaves his/her dirty clothes and wet towel on the rug in his/her room.
Passive response: Go in and pick them up and put them away yourself, but feel resentful.
Aggressive response: You are a slob! Why can't you ever pick up your clothes and put them in the hamper? Do it now or there is no TV for a month!
Assertive response: I want you to pick up your clothes right now and put them in the hamper. Then I want you to hang up your wet towel.
Often we ASK children to do something, as in "Would you pick up your clothes and towel now?" This is less likely to get the desired response. In fact, you may get "no" for an answer. What do you do then?
There was a book published many years ago called Assertive Discipline for Parents by Lee Canter. It has many useful tips for parents on this topic.
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