I once heard the acronym KISS for parents to think about when talking to their kids - Keep it Short and Simple. This apparently is extremely hard to do. One of the most common parenting traps I have heard of is the lecture. Parents go on and on yelling at a child about what they have done wrong - be it getting bad grades or staying out too late. Kids tell me they listen to approximately 12 words. That's it. After that they tune out and think about something else. I think what parents are trying to do is to explain to their child why they should behave differently and hope the child will come around to see it their way. I guess we hope they will see the wisdom of our brilliant thinking and say something like, "Aha, Mom of course you are right! I should be getting better grades! It is extremely important to my future! Of course I will now buckle down and study and do all my homework and turn it in on time from now on!" I guess the expectation is that will be the end of it and we will all ride off into the sunset happily ever after. Obviously it doesn't work this way in real life. Parental lectures don't work; they don't change anything. They may just make things worse by increasing the anger level in the child who has to sit there and listen quietly without talking back. What does work is telling the child exactly what you expect and then providing appropriate reinforcement when the child makes efforts to improve his or her behavior. Encourage small steps in the right direction. You wrote your assignments down and brought home the necessary materials? Good job! You did all you homework tonight? That's great! Your work is all caught up this week and all assignments are turned in? You get extra privileges this weekend!
Keep it short, simple and specific. Reward all small steps. Provide encouragement not discouragement.
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