I am often reminded how dedicated the parents are who come to see me. They are so worried about their children and will do anything for them. So often they say, I just want him/her to be happy. I heard a story recently about a young man who was 22 years old, living in his parents basement playing video games all day. When he arrived in the therapist's office at his parents demand, he said, "But they always said they just wanted me to be happy and I'm happy playing video games all day!"
Consider asking yourself if that is what you really want for your child. Of course you want them to be happy, but for most of us the goal of parenting it to raise an independently functioning 25-30 year old who is a contributing member of society. (I used to say 25 year old but so many of this generation seem some extra time to figure out how to be fully independent).
In addition it seems to me that we want our children to learn some of life's lessons like good behavior earns good consequences and bad behavior earns bad consequences. As an adult if you go to work and do a good job you get paid; if you don't go to work and do a good job, you get fired. For a child, school is their job and the teacher is their boss.
What are you doing now with your child that will help them survive in the adult world? What are you doing that will help them or hinder them as they try to become independent? Our job as parents is not to make life so easy for them that they stay with us forever. Our job is to help them learn the necessary skills to live on their own. This means learning to wake up by themselves and go to sleep by themselves, learning to cook and clean and do the laundry and balance a check book. It means learning to tolerate boring tasks and learning to do things we might not be eager to do like prepare our tax returns or take out the trash.
Is there one thing you can do today that will move you and your child in the direction of more independent functioning?
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