Parenting seems to have become increasingly difficult. The other day I was in a restaurant at 8 pm. There was a family at the next table with a small child, probably around the age of 2. Clearly they were near the end of the meal and the little boy was restless. He got up, walked around the room, touching pots and pans lined up on a buffet table and looking back at the grown ups as though he was asking to be told no. There was no such limit from the grown ups, presumably his parents. He then wandered off to other tables, including my own, where we were trying to enjoy a late meal. I worked hard to keep from saying anything to these parents, and just tried to enjoy my meal and hope they would finish up and leave. Parents seem not to understand that children need limits. In fact they feel more secure knowing that grown ups and not them are in charge. It is a scary enough world and if you are two years old, or three or thirteen, you need to know you are not in charge, that someone older and wiser is in charge. The child may not like this, but it will help them feel safer and more secure.
If you are feeling like you don't know what to do as a parent, there is help. Alan Kazdin, Ph.D. has published a book that contains the best results from the research that has been done in recent years about effective parenting. The book is called The Kazdin Method for Parenting the Defiant Child. This book is really for all parents of all children, not just defiant children. There is a DVD in the back of the book that will help you see what works and what doesn't work. This book (and DVD) is available from Amazon and other books stores.
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